Monkey Puzzle Tree

Araucaria araucana

“The dinosaurs' favorite tree. Still alive. Still weaponized.”

Dinosaurs climbed this tree. Chilean miners' families planted groves of them because nothing else handled the hardship. Now it sits behind glass in botanic gardens while your neighbor plants another Bradford pear. Every branch is a spiral of armored, blade-tipped scales — a living fortress. Slow-growing but nearly immortal. Plant one and let your grandchildren explain it to their neighbors.